Our current Wankers of the Week are ITV and three of their presenters. It's an award richly deserved for making a programme ("Extinct") unparalleled for its stupidity and, even worse, its dishonesty. So we don't want to take the award away from them just yet.
However, there are a couple of other people who also deserve recognition for their outstanding contribution to … erm … whatever the word is … wankerdom? wankicity? So we've decided to create a special Christmas Wanker page just for them.
The first is a Jewish rabbi from Manchester called Ahron Cohen.
He recently travelled to Iran to join with other loonies including President Mahmoud "I'm having a bomb so f*ck you" Ahmadinejad and David "Pointy-head" Duke of the Ku Klux Klan in a conference entitled "The Holocaust - a global vision". There he told everyone that "there is no question that there was a Holocaust and gas chambers. There are too many eyewitnesses" - too many for what, exactly? Too many for comfort? He went on "However, our approach is that when one suffers, the one who perpetrates the suffering is obviously guilty but he will never succeed if the victim did not deserve it in one way or another".
He suggested that if the Jews in the concentration camps hadn't deserved to die, God would have done something to save them.
Almost beggars belief, doesn't it? Those six million people deserved to die? All those children, all the little old ladies whose shoes and little gold spectacles and battered old suitcases are still piled in six-foot heaps at Auschwitz, they just got what was coming to them, did they, the bastards?
What about the commuters on the bus and down in the tube when the London bombers struck? What crime had they committed, exactly, that they deserved to die so suddenly? And the thousands swept to their deaths by the Asian tsunami? Wicked sinners to the last baby, were they?
We understand that Rabbi Cohen's views have made him fairly unpopular in Manchester. In fact, his house has had a thousand eggs thrown at it in the last year. Can't understand why it's just eggs, though. I mean, if someone lobbed a brick through the window, God would only allow it to actually hit the Rabbi if he really deserved it …
Our second special Christmas Wanker is Sir Cliff Richard.
Why?
"Christmas time,
Mistletoe and wine …."
Need we say more? If you don't believe us, go here.
either on this site or on the World Wide Web.
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